South of Summers
by Secret Snoopy
Summary: Ness and his posse finally get a well deserved vacation. It seems however that action, adventure, and random blue faced enemies follow them wherever they go. A light, breezy fic, like Summers itself.
1. A Beautiful Day

Disclaimer: I do not own Earthbound. It belongs to Nintendo and, uh, Apex? Those innovative geniuses, they are! 

Author's Note: I wrote this for the Summerfest Festival, but I guess it got cancelled or I missed it or something. So I'll post it here instead. Also, I'm using the lines as those star/time passes signals. Why don't they work here? Must find better alternative...

* * *

**South of Summers**  
A Beautiful Day...

"...And as a gift for your heroic efforts," Mayor Pirkle grinned ear to ear at Ness and his comrades. "I present you all with an all inclusive, one week vacation to Summers!"

The throng of Onett citizens cheered as their homeboy hero took the podium. "Uh, thank you everyone. Thanks for all your support. It's been a crazy couple of weeks. And, um, to all the kids out there, you should stay out of trouble." With a hesitant nod, Ness retook his seat beside Paula.

"This is all very elaborate," she remarked humbly, fingering the medallion the four had each received. "It's not like we did anything that deserved so much recognition..."

"Just saving the world like every other teenage kid," Poo remarked, completing his examination of the pendant. "Jeff, can you tell if this is real gold?" He brought the disc up to the light. "It sort of looks like gold, or partially at least. What do you think?"

"Probably not," Jeff concluded after a moment of observation. "Perhaps it's copper, or bronze maybe. But it's difficult to tell just by the eye."

"...A private helicopter will be taking all of you there," Mayor Pirkle waved into the direction of the aircraft, parked on the road adjacent to the Town Hall. "It's ready to go as soon as you are."

Suddenly, an unusually large figure emerged from the shadows and hopped into the pilot's seat.

It was Pokey, back from his blowing defeat by Ness.

"See all you suckas later!" With a hotdog in hand, he threw the helicopter into gear and directed it toward the ocean. As Pokey descended over the water, without warning, he lost control of the machine and went into a nosedive. He and the helicopter plunged into the ocean, ending the life of such an annoying nuisance.

However, the residences of Onett were sympathetic.

"That poor helicopter," one uttered. "It had such a good life. And to go out like that..."

"Oh well," her companion shrugged. "At least it took down that awful eyesore Pokey out with it."

The Mayor flinched in his stance, his dark moustache twitching from side to side on his upper lip. "I guess we'll have to send for a replacement from Fourside."

Ness stepped up. "No need Mr. Mayor!" He turned to his friends. "Let's get ready!"

The four barrelled onto the street, aware of, but disregarding, an oncoming truck in their path. It screeched its breaks and honked its horn while the driver screamed profanities at them, but they weren't concerned.

"Ready everyone?" They all nodded. "PSI Teleport B!" and before long, Ness, Paula, Jeff and Poo were spinning uncontrollably. The civilians on ground watched in marvel as they took off into the sky like a couple of comic book heroes.

* * *

A moment later, Ness and his friends landed in a large heap on the Summers road.

"Ah! Watch out!" Paula's outburst saved the group from another inevitable demise. They rolled out of the route of a motorist just in the nick of time, clustering into a pile on the sidewalk.

"What do you guys want to do?" asked Ness after dusting himself off.

"We should probably check into the hotel first," Jeff proposed logically.

"I agree," Paula put in. "We've been carrying these packs around for ages. It'll be nice to be able to get rid of all the junk in our bags." She slipped her backpack from off her shoulders and discarded the superfluous items into a nearby trash bin. "Never again will I unearth a mouldy month-old peanut butter and cheese bar in the bottom of my pack."

"Or run the risk of a bottle rocket accidentally going off when it's still in your bag," Poo added, recalling the incident with a shudder.

Jeff fiddled with his glasses uncomfortably. "Yes, an accident..."

After cleaning and discarding all their unneeded things, the young heroes headed for the hotel, a tall and luxurious building on the west side of town.

"Hello, I am Mr. Monotoli," the man at the front desk greeted them. "Do you have a reservation?"

"Hi, sir! Remember us?" Ness smiled warmly, relieved to see a familiar face.

"Oh... oh yes, I do recall," the senior answered after a moment.

"What are you doing here?" Ness inquired, genuinely curious.

"I quit my job as the elevator operator," Mr. Monotoli elaborated. "I purchased this hotel with the money I had left. Quite the witty move, if I do say so myself."

"Great," Paula muttered under her breath. "Just another way to swindle a new population of people out of their life savings." Jeff and Poo chuckled to themselves.

The bellhop at hand picked up their bags and escorted them to the second floor.

"It's a bit small for four people," Paula scrutinized after quickly surveying the undersized room.

"Ahem. Well," the bellhop cleared his throat and held out a flat open palm.

"Yah, high-five buddy!" Ness slapped his hand, and then proceeded to close the door in his face. The bellhop, still yet to earn a single dollar of tips from the group, stomped off and muttered a death threat aimed at the four.

"Okay now," Ness began after tossing his bag into a corner. "What do you guys want to do?"

"Go shopping," Paula suggested immediately.

"Enjoy the beach," Poo said simultaneously. They both glared at each other challengingly.

"Actually," spoke up Jeff. "I need to go shopping too. Poo broke my protractor when we were landing in Summers."

"I wouldn't dare to lay a finger on your precious protractor!" Poo argued.

"You didn't lay your finger on it," Jeff agreed. "You slammed your whole body on it. I want you to pay up six dollars to replace it."

"Six dollars!" Poo repeated, flabbergasted. "But those things cost five dollars!"

"Yes, but that's if you don't count in the pain and suffering."

"Pain and suffering?" Ness echoed Jeff's words. "Come on, seriously."

"I am serious," Jeff insisted. "And in our now overemphasized legal system, I could probably sue you and acquire almost double of what I'm rationalizing with you now."

"Jeff, we're on vacation," Paula pleaded. "Don't pull something crazy like this to ruin it."

"Whatever, I don't care," Poo dug out a ten dollar bill from his robe and tossed it at Jeff's feet. "There. Use the change to... buy yourself a girlfriend or something."

The recipient of the money picked up the cash note, bewildered. "But you can't get a hooker for just five dollars..."

"All right, let's go," Paula cut in quickly, watching Poo's eyes blaze with fury. "Jeff and I can go shopping while you and Ness go chill on the beach, okay?"

"That sounds fine," Ness consented before a word of protest could be said. "C'mon Poo, let's hit the sand and the surf."

* * *

"Isn't it nice to shop on such a beautiful day?" Paula beamed. "Especially with an obscene amount of money?" she patted the wad of bills in her pocket with content. 

"I suppose so," Jeff shrugged, kicking a pebble on the stone walkway. He looked up at the first shop in their path, cleverly titled 'Shop'. "Let's stop in here."

The two friends entered the store. Paula went over to the shelves to browse, while Jeff took the chance to speak to the shopkeeper.

"Excuse me," Jeff said timidly. "Do you sell protractors?"

The man in the Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses looked repulsed. "Protractors?" he repeated. "Of course not, kiddo! This is Summers! There's not a single use for a protractor in Summers. There are no schools here. This is paradise!"

"How can you call a place with no schools paradise?" Jeff demanded to know.

The shopkeeper lowered his sunglasses to give himself an unobstructed view at the young fellow. "Oh. I see you're one of those ner- um, bright students who enjoy classes."

"I love school," stressed Jeff passionately. "I love it so much, that I even live at school. I go to the highly acclaimed Winters Boarding House."

"Look kid," the man pounded his fist on the booth in front of him. "I'm not here to chitchat with you. You either buy something or get out, because this place isn't for lookers and window shoppers!"

"What are you talking about?" Paula placed an island bracelet on the counter for checkout.

"Eh, nothing," Jeff waved a dismissive hand. "Are you ready to go yet?"

Paula paid for her purchase and took the small plastic bag. "Yeah, let's go."

As Paula and Jeff exited the shop, an eccentric-looking person came ran to them. "Hey!" he shouted unexpectantly. "You're invading my private space!"

"You wanna fight!" Paula dared him. The trio were engaged in battle.

Crazy Drunk Partier confronts Paula and Jeff! Crazy Drunk Partier attacks! Just missed!

"Ha!" Paula huffed confidently. "This guy is so pathetic! We completely roll right over people like this! He's going down!"

"Wait Paula!" Jeff shouted. "I don't have a weapon! I've completely forgotten what to do!"

Paula's eyes grew round. "Oh no! I forgot about that! What are we going to do now? We're doomed!" Without their laser guns and frying pans, Jeff and Paula found themselves unarmed and helpless.

Paula is on guard. Jeff is on guard.

"Use your PSI!" Jeff hissed urgently. "Don't you remember how to use your PSI? Flame him or freeze him or something!"

Paula concentrated her mind, but nothing came out. Instead, Paula decided to pray with her whole heart. A terrible, heaven-rending sound engulfed the three.

"I don't feel so good..." Jeff moaned, clucking his stomach. The affects of the prayer had given him the unfortunate side effects.

"Me neither," Paula groaned. Fearing defeat (and feeling funky), she threw a defensive punch into any direction.

"Ow!" Jeff wailed as he hit the ground.

The Crazy Drunken Partier attacked again, this time unluckily striking Paula squarely on the face. She went down too.

"Paula... Paula..." Jeff whispered hoarsely, the loudest sound he was capable of at the moment. "Are you okay?"

"I'm tired... I'm hurt... I don't feel well... I just want to sleep..." she grumbled, her face resting on the cool stone that structured the sidewalk. Succumbing to her injuries, she accepted her fate closed her eyes.

"Paula... Paula!" Jeff cried out. "You can't give up! Paula...?"

The sound of his voice, fading softer and softer with his weakness, was drowned out by the dim of the traffic. Surrendering to his physical inability as well, he shut himself down. His last thoughts paralleled those of Paula's; the disbelief that two of the strongest powers in the world couldn't even hold their own against that surprise attack.

* * *

Lying on his beach towel, Ness had never felt so contented. It was the first moment in a long time that he had the time to actually relax. He took full advantage of this situation. 

"It feels good to have nothing to worry about anymore, doesn't it?" Ness sighed with satisfaction. "No more thinking about sanctuaries, or Giygas, or anything. It feels really great."

"Yes, it does," Poo emptily commented, his eyes fixated on the pretty young blondes with nothing but a skimpy bikini on. Her, and many alike dotted the shoreline, giving Poo all the eye candy he could ever dream for. As the eldest in the group of four, his desires at times seemed a little misunderstood.

"How do you think Paula and Jeff are doing?" Ness mused, stretching his arms above his head.

"I'm sure they're doing fine," Poo amused Ness with conversation.

With his hands behind his head, Ness closed his eyes and blocked out all the noises surrounding him. What could be better than a refreshing nap on the sun kissed shores of the ocean?

A loud ringing disturbed his tranquility. Forcing his eyes open, he pulled his receiver phone out from the safety of his shoe (everyone's 'secret' hiding place). "Hello..." he groggily answered the caller.

"Yes, I'm looking for Ness?" the voice on the phone said.

"Yeah, that's me," Ness sat up. "Can I help you?"

"I have two patients at the hospital-- Paula and Jeff-- and they claim that they are your responsibility."

Ness arched an eyebrow. Maybe this was the case during their journey, but certainly those two could manage by themselves now that the greater evil was destroyed. "Um... I guess so. What happened?"

"It's not for certain. But we need you to come to the hospital immediately." The caller hung up with a 'click'.

"Huh." Ness ended the call. "What could have happened to those two?" he wondered. But rather than dwell on the subject, he decided not to waste time, and began to gather his things. "Poo... Poo!"

"What?" Poo snapped rather abruptly, Ness's voice interrupting his concentration. He had given up on looking at the women on the beach and was trying to meditate to pass the time.

"We have to go to the hospital," Ness tossed his towel over his shoulder. "Something happened to Paula and Jeff."

"Oh..." Though in a minor state of shock, Poo quickly followed suit.

* * *

Author's Note: The conclusion of this fic will be posted up shortly. I hope you liked it so far. Please review, because your thoughts are greatly appreciated! 


	2. Is Always a Bad Sign

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own the rights of Earthbound. If I did, then North America would finally get some new Earthbound games for N64, GameBoy, GameCube, etc. About time, isn't it?

Author's Note: The conclusion of this story! I want to thank everyone who reviewed; you're great! I never tried to send this to the Summer Funfest. I looked around for information on it, but couldn't find anything. Does anyone know whether they had it this year? If they did, then oops, I missed it.

* * *

**South of Summers**  
...Is Always a Bad Sign

"That was so embarrassing," Paula moaned from her bed, shaking her head left and right. She still burned with humiliation.

Jeff examined his wounds, careful not to inflict any additional unnecessary pain toward himself. "What are we going to tell Ness when he gets here?"

"There's no reason why he has to know anything," Paula snapped quickly. "I can't believe you told the nurse to call Ness. What kind of idiot are you? He doesn't need to know what happened!"

"He will eventually find out," reasoned Jeff. "I suggest we both work on an alternate story to tell him to cover up the truth. I am currently unable to think of an adequate explanation. Any ideas, Paula?"

Without the ability to rub her chin in thought, Paula's mind was rendered useless. If Jeff couldn't think of anything with his large mental capacity, what chance did she have? "I have no ideas. You think of something. It's your own fault for telling the nurse to call him anyway."

"This is in no way my fault," Jeff defended eagerly. "First of all, you were the one who provoked the fight. Second of all, you were the one who gave us temporary insanity when your prayer backfired. Third of all, if you hadn't bought that ridiculously priced bracelet from the store, we would have had enough money to pay ourselves out of the hospital, thus avoiding the whole situation in the first place!"

Paula was left speechless. She had no argument to defend herself. "Yeah, well... you have myopia and I don't!" She stuck her tongue out at him triumphantly.

"Myopia is contagious," Jeff told her sarcastically. He coughed dramatically in her direction. "Don't catch it."

"Ay! I can't see!" Paula rubbed her eyes frantically.

Jeff's eyes grew round with excitement. "Really? Short-sightedness is contagious after all! Do you have a pen or something? Oh, I must record this new discovery!" He looked frantically around the room for a writing utensil.

"No you idiot, you got spit in my eye."

"Oh." Jeff was crestfallen.

The soft snap of the doorknob alerted the two that someone was about to enter the room. Paula and Jeff clung to their bed sheets in anticipation.

"Miss Paula? Mister Jeff?" the blonde nurse poked her head in the room.

Paula let out a sigh of relief. "Oh thank God. I thought you were Ness and Poo."

"Um, miss, actually, they're here." The nurse motioned the two boys in, to her dismay.

"Hey guys," Ness critically eyed each friend. "Uh, yeah, so..." He was desperately trying to phrase his words as to not be too abrupt or rude. "Would you like to tell me what happened?"

"Tell him, Paula," Jeff turned to her.

Paula sent Jeff an icy glare. She secretly wanted to use PSI Freeze B on him. "Well, uh, you see... we were shopping right? And, uh, you know what a crazy klutz Jeff is! So, well, he tripped over an ant that was on the sidewalk and hit his head on the ground hard. And I tripped over him, and the same thing happened to me. The next thing we knew, we were in the hospital!"

Paula and Jeff held their breaths.

Ness raised his eyebrows. "So, uh, that's what really happened?"

"Yes," Jeff said quickly. "It was unavoidable."

"Just like James Dean's accident," Paula added.

"Or John Lennon."

"Or-"

"I get it I get it," Ness muttered. "Anyway, I paid your hospital bill, and you're free to go-"

"Sounds like bail," Jeff commented.

"-But I have to know, why didn't you have enough money to pay it yourself? I saw Paula take a large wad of bills before you guys left. What happened? You didn't spend it all on hookers... Jeff?"

Jeff glared at Ness, annoyed and insulted. "I don't do that kind of thing," he said coldly. "Paula used up most of our money on a very over-priced bracelet she bought in the gift shop."

"It was worth it," insisted Paula as she dug around in her pant pockets to retrieve it. "What the... where did it go?"

Somewhere on the sidewalk, a seagull spotted the bracelet lying on the stone-cobble sidewalk. Confusing it with food, it dived and tore it to shreds. The bird swallowed a rather large bead, choked on it, and died.

* * *

After reluctantly dragging a starry-eyed Poo away from a rather attractive nurse, Ness led his friends out the door. 

"Well, I hope we don't have to deal with anything like that anymore," he said, glancing at each of them. "Why don't we just grab a bite to eat?"

"Good idea," Paula agreed. "There's a gourmet restaurant near our hotel. Why don't we go in there?"

The group travelled the short distance to the restaurant, which was unusually empty during the lunch hour. The waiter seated them and handed them their menus.

"How do you think Royal Iced Tea differs from regular iced tea?" Paula thought outloud with the stroke of her chin.

"The price," Jeff told her.

"Oh, right."

While engrossed in their menus, without warning, the head chef came out swinging, armed with a butcher's knife. "You kids ruined me! Ruined me!"

"Hold up!" Ness tried to subdue the manic man. "What do you mean, 'We ruined you'?"

"You defeated Kraken! No one orders my Kraken Soup anymore, so my business has been greatly diminished!"

"Wait a minute," Poo cut in. "Your Kraken Soup does not contain any real Kraken, so why would it matter if we defeated it or not?" (It is male or female?)

"Because now everyone knows I am a fraud!" the chef roared. He looked much more frightening than Kraken itself. "I'm going to kill you little twerps!"

"Ha!" Ness stood up importantly. "I don't think so! Come on everyone, let's teach this guy a lesson!"

Manic Head Chef wants to fight! Manic Head Chef attacks! Just missed!

Ness narrowly dodged his butcher's knife. He glanced at his friends, who nodded. He smiled, and their wave of butt-kicking commenced.

Poo tried PSI Starstorm Omega! 212 HP damage to Manic Head Chef!

Jeff attacks (with his fork)! 3 HP damage to Manic Head Chef!

Paula tried PSI Freeze B! 87 HP damage to Manic Head Chef!

Ness tried PSI Ness (aka his favourite thing is himself, that cocky little bastard) Omega! 472 HP damage to Manic Head Chef! Manic Head Chef stopped moving! A triumphant fanfare played.

"We won!" Ness cheered, kicking the unconcious body away. "Come on, let's go." The group left the restaurant to a bewildered waiter and large mess after their wake.

"I guess we remembered how to fight with Ness around," Paula mumbled to Jeff. Jeff tugged on his shirt collar uncomfortably.

"Now what?" Poo groaned as his stomach ached hungrily.

Ness wiped his forehead, suddenly aware of the intensity of the heat and sunshine. His throat begged to be relieved of its dryness. "We'll just order some room service then. Since this is an all expenses paid trip, we don't need to worry about how expensive it is to eat at the hotel, right?"

They all agreed it was a good idea, and headed back to their hotel room. That's where another problem plagued the group.

"Four people, two beds," Paula observed. She eyed the rest of her male friends suspiciously.

"Uh, I call the couch," said Jeff quickly. He took a seat on the lumpy sofa as a claim to his territory.

"Well," Ness began, his tongue gliding around the walls of his mouth. "Since I did most of the work in the destruction of Giygas, I think it would only be fair that I am the one who gets my own bed."

"That's pathetic!" Paula scoffed. "I'm a girl, so I should get my own bed. It wouldn't be very fair if you expected me to sleep with one of you, would it?"

Poo scoffed louder. "What a load of bull crap. I know you and Ness have just been dying to get into bed together--"

"What!" the two shrieked.

"So if I take the bed for myself, then you'll finally get the chance!"

"You don't want to share with me, sometimes I wet my bed at night!"

"I roll around when I sleep! I'll crush whoever's on my side!"

"I am a prince, damnit!"

The heated argument of whom was worthy of their own bed continued to progress without much hope. Jeff stood up from the couch and annouced that he was going for a walk.

Once Jeff was out the door and out of sight, Ness stepped back from the argument. "We're going to fight for it then." He closed his eyes and concentrated his mind. "PSI Ness Omega!"

Paula and Poo were both hurled off their feet, but seemed unfazed.

"PSI Starstorm Omega!" Poo shouted.

"PSI Fire Omega!" declared Paula simutaneously. A burst of light clashed, sending all three up in the air.

The PSI battle continued...

* * *

Jeff sat in the hotel restaurant, nibbling away at a bag of fifty-dollar gourmet french fries alongside with his fifteen-dollar five star quality ketchup. His focus centered around the magazine he was reading. The drool from his mouth glazed the pictures as he flipped through the pages. 

"That is hot," he murmured. "Gorgeous. Oh yeah, I'd want to test-run _that_... Oh my God, those are _huge_! I wonder what size those are?"

He turned the page. "_**WHOA**_! 500 gigs of hard drive space!" He began to prespire profusely.

Jeff was so engrossed with his copy of PC Magazine that he didn't notice the herds of people running out the door, shrieking until one of them knocked his eighty-dollar mocha latte into his lap.

"Hey!" He stood up to find the culprit until he became aware of the droves rushing past him. A flash of light caught his eye, so bright that Jeff probably needed a new prescription for his glasses. It was coming from, where else, his own hotel room. Sensing trouble, Jeff decided to investigate.

The door was ajar. Jeff could hear his friends yelling commands, and more lights erupted like fireworks. Finally, he gathered the courage to peek into the room through the doorframe. He dodged a flame and ducked under a star.

At the top of his lungs, Jeff screamed, "What is going on here?"

Their faces, once twisted into violent concentration, eased up. The PSI attacked faltered and died out. They all glared at each other accusingly.

With all the blinding lights eased up, then gone, the condition of the room was visible. Lamps broken. Curtains torn. Beds overturned.

"We are in big trouble," Ness said quietly.

Mr. Monotoli came up the hallway, much to the group's chagrin. "I've had some complains about this room. Is everything all right?"

Jeff stood at the threshold, purposely blocking Mr. Monotoli's view of the room. "Nope, nothing's wrong. Everything is all right." He attempted to close the door, but the older man had seen the damage.

"Oh my..." he surveyed the room, a vein in his eye twitching madly. "What the hell happened here?"

"Mr. Monotoli--" Ness tried.

"You are banned for life from this place from now on! Now get out _get out_**_GET OUT_**!"

* * *

All four of them flew out the room in a hurry. Remembering what evil Mr. Monotoli was capable of, they began to run faster. Then remembering how much butt they had kicked in, they stopped. Fortunately for them, they were already outside. 

"So how what?"

The question lingered in the air for quite some time.

"Let's go back to Onett," said Ness finally. "Maybe hang out at the arcade. I haven't played _Marvel vs. Capcom_ in awhile."

"_Marvel_? _Capcom_?" Poo wagged a disapproving finger. "We're _Nintendo_, Ness. Don't go endorsing other companies."

"Oh yeah," Ness blushed. "Uh... _Mario Brothers_ is the best game in the world."

"Ness!"

"Er, I mean _Earthbound_ is."

"No shameless self-promotions, neither."

"Then what do you expect me to say then?"

"Uh... nothing. Let's just go."

So Ness and his friends PSI'ed out of Summers, and landed back on the Onett street. The same driver who they disrupted earlier that day was driving in their direction, but this time he didn't screech to a halt. On the contrary, he flattened the accelerator, speeding toward them with the intention to hurt.

Poo simply performed his specialty, and sent the truck flying off the road. After climbing out of the now piece of scrap metal, the driver decided it was in his best interest to finally leave these kids alone.

Mayor Pirkle came running at them a moment later. His face was contorted into a maddened look that grotesquely contrasted the ones plastered on his campaign posters. In his hand was an envelope.

"What were you punk kids doing?" He demanded to know.

Paula looked at him with a sweet smile and asked in a sweet voice, "What do you mean, sir?"

He ripped a piece of paper out of the envelope. "A ten thousand dollar bracelet! Two hospital bills! Damages to the third floor of the Summers Hotel! Do you have any idea how much it will cost to restore just one floor of that place! It would cost less to restore this whole city!" The bill was crumpled in his fist and his eyes darted around at the four faces. "Explain this!"

Jeff looked puzzled. "You said it was all-inclusive."

"You do not abuse the city's generosity, and that is what you have clearly done!" Mayor Pirkle's breath rung loud from his chest, and his mouth was twisted into a nasty snarl.

"We're sorry sir, we didn't know--"

"I don't even remember what you four did to earn that vacation. You probably saved a puppy or something. Whatever the case might be, consider your vacation terminated as of right now!" And with that, Mayor Pirkle stomped off.

"Great," Poo huffed out a frustrated growl. "They can't do this to me, I'm the Crown Prince of Dalaam damnit!"

"I think we should just go home now," said Ness. "I miss my mommy."

"I should probably get back to the Polstar Daycare," Paula agreed. She turned to Ness and batted her eyelashes at him suggestively. "Would you mind walking me home?"

Ness glowered at her. "No way."

With a defiant "Hm!", Paula spun on her heel and began the trek to Twoson alone.

"Dude..."

"What?"

"...Never mind."

Ness sniffled. "I still miss my mommy."

"I need to go back to Saturn Valley to talk to Dr. Andonuts... er, I mean, dad. I'm still not used to calling him that." Jeff confided.

"And I have to get back to Dalaam," Poo added. "Jeff, I'll PSI you to Saturn Valley if you want."

The pair left the scene in a tornado-like flight, leaving Ness alone. Like the little mama's boy he is, he ran home crying about the meanie of a mayor, while Ness's mother fed him pasta.

After he had ample time to collect himself, he asked Tracy, "What happened to all my stuff in the Escargo Express locker now that the company is out of business?"

Ness thought of all the dirty socks, cheesy pizza, rotten eggs, that sticky, stinky jar of honey (among many other equally disgusting things) and shuddered. He could not imagine what they might look like now after a long period of neglecting their existence.

"Of course I thought ahead Ness," said Tracy. "I took it all out and dumped it in your room.You can clean it up yourself."

"No..." he moaned.

"Oh, and Ness," his mother took a large stack of textbooks and papers and handed it to his possession. The unexpected weight of the load caused him to lose his balance. "I collected all the homework you missed from school while you were out playing your little game. A whole month's worth. Teachers never change Ness, they expect it all done by Friday."

"**_NO_**!"

**The End**

**

* * *

**  
Thank you for reading my fic. I hope you enjoyed it. It wasn't that funny, but I tried my best. Please take the time to review this fic, it would really be appreciated, thanks. :D And just for the record, Earthbound is the best RPG game ever made! It's just general knowledge.


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